Chapter 3 of the manual of Epictetus

With everything you like, you find useful or love, you should dwell on the question what it actually is you are so fond of. Start with small things. If you like a vase, say: 'I like a vase'. You will not get upset if it gets broken. When you kiss your child or wife, say to yourself that you are kissing a human being. If they die you will not be so confused.

Everything in the world is perishable, from the fruit fly that dies within 24-hours to mountain ranges that need millions of years to decay into a pile of grit. The same goes for our belongings, that wonderful sweater you love so much one day will be worn down to the wire and that beautiful vase of grandmother, no matter how careful you are, one day will be in shards. And yes, we would rather not think about it, but also our loved ones, like all other living beings, are mortal.

Epictetus wants his students to become well aware of this fact of live. Not because he wants them to suffer from the transience of everything and let them become sombre and depressed. On the contrary, he wants to protect them from gloom. Losing things that we value is an important source of unpleasant emotions. Chances are that you will get out of your hum if your son drops your favourite mug, if the washing machine breaks down or if your computer shows up again. And that is not necessary according to Epictetus. As soon as you realize that your mug is fragile and that you can only use it as long as it is still in one piece, you will become less annoyed at the moment it reaches its end. Once you have learned to constantly keep the perishability of your belongings in mind, you will not get upset as soon as you are truly confronted with that impermanence. You are just better prepared for it if they eventually break down.

This does not only apply to your belongings, but also to your loved ones. Your partner, children, parents and friends are all mortal. They can be taken away from you at any moment. At this point Epictetus becomes rather harsh and even a bit morbid. Does Epictetus really expect a stoic not to get upset about the death of his loved ones? No, the Stoics do not go that far, even though it sometimes looks like it. Grief at the death of a loved one is very natural for a stoic. However, Epictetus wants to protect his students from the fact that that grief is made even worse when it occurs unexpectedly.

This is sometimes called the stoic reservation. With everything you do you keep in mind that it is not  certain that things will go the way you hope them to go. Your mug can break, your train can be delayed and yes, your loved ones can get sick or even die. Epictetus wants his students to be prepared for the inevitable setbacks of life, so that they become less upset when they eventually happen.

Epictetus knew, of course, that his pupils would not have made such a reservation easily. The stoic reservation must be learned step by step. That is why he advises his pupils to start with small relatively unimportant things. His Stoics in training must first learn not to get upset if they break a vase or leave an umbrella in the train. Only much later are they ready to face even more serious setbacks stoically. By being imbued with the vulnerability of life he wanted his pupils to be able to live a happier and better life.